My DS7 admitted tonight that he is doesn't listen because he does not like what he may have to do at the time (i.e. defiant after they didn't practice enough flips at gymnastics tonight). Is then just a derivative of ODD or is food intolerance contributing to it? I hate to keep him on the elim diet if he is just naturally defiant...lol, if you know what I mean - Michelle

I think that defiance, tantrums etc are part of my DS4 personality, but I def think that Failsafe helps to control it and lessen it! - Megan

My dd6 said the exact same thing, and he's the child without intolerances! - Teresa

How long has he been on elim diet? It is hard to tell as even the person having the intolerance doesn't know the difference until they have been 'clean' for a while. The feeling of being persecuted and your reaction being appropriate remains even when you come out of it - Kim

How long have you been on the diet and was your son able to communicate this defiance to you before failsafe? My son (ODD and ADHD tendencies) always told me he didn't know why he behaved the way he did or why he did something wrong, but after starting failsafe has at times made up excuses for his behaviour that had I believed him would lead to going off the diet - ODD related I believe, they can be cunning (from personal experience) - Kylie

Good on you for sharing Michelle and trusting us with this. My son has ASD and tells me exactly the same thing. Exactly. All you can do is give FS a go and see if his behavior changes. I remain calm with my voice and don't get sucked into the turn-taking in arguments with our son. I let him have his say (because he loses it if I go the power play and try & shut him down) & then I say, okay it's my turn. I keep my language simple & repetitive. I also suggest talking when there's no eye contact, like in the car. Explain that sometimes mums ask kids to do things and they have to do it. That's the rules. It's tough. But I'm sure you are doing great - Helen

Two thoughts come to mind. Your son says now he has choice - failsafe gave that to my son and before failsafe he had no choice or control over his level of frustration. But frustration is a normal human response too and kids learn and pattern successful behaviours that work for them early. I therefore believe it is possible to learn and unlearn destructive but successful behaviours. We used a combo approach of retraining with failsafe. Have you done challenges yet? Watch for his level of self control when you do them,  not just the amount of defiance exhibited. It might answer your question. But consider normal learned behaviours too. They are usually harder to identify as we the parents are part of the cycle of reactions in relationship. Sounds like progress to me if he can identify his own behavioural choices. Pre failsafe for us this was impossible; now he can be defiant but we know the difference between reactive defiance and normal kid defiance.. even when it seems huge...Ries

My middle daughter is an absolute angel when she is not affected, but when I'm challenging a food which doesn't agree with her body, she is a feral little girl with ODD tendencies and extreme fatigue too - Julie

Michelle responds:  We have been on the elim diet now since Sept. 13 but were making mistakes and cheating. I think we have now hit a baseline. Thank you everyone for your comments. It is absolutely true...my DS7 didn't have control before over his defiance and it is a blessing that now he can voice his reasons for not wanting to do something. In October we introduced peeled cucumbers and sugar snap peas and he had a headache and lethargic for two days. Ate garlic bread with cheese on New Years's Eve (we are vegetarians, DF, GF) and he wanted to beat up his best friend over something small the next day. However we are going to try challenges again here shortly.

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